Another Mother's Day

When is it not a mother's day? Mothers should celebrate every day.
We are mothers every day, forever.
This is my second one without you. And as much as I don't want to dwell on that, it seems impossible to ignore. Last year was hard and we just needed to get through all of those "firsts".  That first Mother's Day in what I logically knew would be many was unbearable. But this year, it is the one where reality sets it. This is how it will always be, Mother's Day without my Kenna, my daughter, my girl.
Sometimes people unintentionally make insensitive comments such as "Hasn't it been long enough?" or "It's been almost a year." or "When are they going to get over it?"
No one that has lost a child would ever, ever utter those words to one who had lost a loved one, especially a child or a sister or a granddaughter or a niece or cousin like you. Because the answer is "Never."
Time heals nothing. It just moves along. You are pulled along in it's tide, even when you don't have the strength or desire to move. You pretend, you smile, you laugh and try to enjoy the moments where you can, but it will never be "over".
I am so grateful for the love and support of my family and friends, but this is a lonely journey few can take alongside you and truly understand. The tears are always at the surface just waiting for anything to make them fall gently or pour like a waterfall. A song, a insipid commercial, a conversation among others, anything can set it off and there you are, not "getting over it". Ever.

I watered the garden last week and noticed the Yesterday, Today and Forever plant was close to blooming, just as it had last year at this time, precisely on Mother's Day. Today, I walked out to see if it had bloomed. Just as I opened the door, the first small white butterfly of the season flew near my face, hovered near me as if to say, "Follow me!" which I did. It flew around the garden and straight to the plant where it landed on the fully blooming petals of lavender and purple and white. Although it's not usually your style to be subtle, I thank you for coming to me so peacefully and quietly on this Mother's Day!